Tuesday, April 29, 2008


I am so ashamed right now. I just finished reading this article on Kat's blog about a young boy made to beg in the streets. I am so caught up in my own little world that I am completely unaware of events like this. I am so concerned about when we can move to a bigger home (and be closer to Hubbie's work), I am so caught up in what do we give the girls' for their birthday, when can I print more pictures for a hobby, the list goes on and on.

I recently followed a group of bloggers as they went to Uganda with Compassion International. Their trip also opened my eyes to the reality of the world around me. I have seen the Oprah shows about Africa and the like, but watching these everyday people experience poverty changed me. I wanted to sponsor a child, I still want to and we are working on the budget to make that happen. But what do I do in the mean time? What do I do with the knowledge that I live a cushie life?

Dear Lord,
Please forgive me of my selfishness. Please make me aware of opportunities to bless others. Please make me bold enough to act in those moments! Please help me change my priorities and my way of thinking.
Thank you!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Granddaddy update

Holy Spirit spoke and I obeyed. He said, "Go see your grandfather! with your brother."
I am so thankful I listened!! Bozo and I had the best time in the car, even though we got off track twice (I won't call it lost because we sort of knew where we were!). I can't remember the last time we had time just the two of us without our families around. Very nice!

My grandfather looked good (considering). He knew who we were!! That was huge! I got to hold his hand until he fell asleep. Then I got to whisper to him what I felt I needed to say. I am at peace now. Praise God! I am still unsure of his salvation but I might not get that reassurance this side of heaven. But I have done all I can do. I am still praying and if I can swing it, I might go visit again. My dad went today and i am anxious to hear how he was. I know that every day is different at this point.
Please continue to lift the family up. Three children are losing their father, three grandchildren are losing their grandfather, three great-granddaughters are losing their great-grandfather, and two ex-wives are losing a man they loved.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Weigh In

186.8 so I am down a little (again).

I have started the Biggest Loser at church. That runs through June 14th.
The kids and I walked a mile tonight and I have had a ton of water!! I just need to keep that up.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for God's faithfulness. I am thankful that He remains the same no matter what happening in my life. He does not waver in His love for me. He is always looking out for my BEST interest. I have known all of this in my head, but it has finally moved to my heart and I believe it!!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Life and Death

Dear Lord,
My heart is heavy today. Granddaddy is sick and dying. Only You know how much time he has left with us. His illness raises many questions in me. Could I have done more? Could I have been a better granddaughter? Does he know You? Are You his Savior? When he goes, will he join You forever? Only You hold those answers, since he is no longer able to communicate with us. I pray he does know You. Even more I pray You reveal Yourself to him if he does not know You.

Daddy mentioned something the other day that has taken hold of me. His father has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. Is that what his future holds? That thought shakes me to my core. I know You hold his future in the palm of Your hand. Please give me the assurance that he does know You.

God, thank you for Your faithfulness. Thank you for Your believability. Thank you for being my Rock, my hiding place.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


This weekend my pastor talked about emotions. The main point was that feelings should follow action/behavior. It made so much sense to me. It is much harder to apply in our culture. There are some emotions that don't seem to fit that bill.

I want to feel peaceful and patient with my 3 year old, what sort of behaviors do I have to do to feel that way? I want to remain calm when all chaos is breaking loose while I am trying to fix dinner (you know that last 30 to 60 minutes before the "help" arrives home from a hard day at the office). Does that mean breathing deeply for that hour? I want to feel more compassion for a certain child in our life, that one means doing more for someone else at a time of day when I am done!!!

The Holy Spirit is pricking my conscience. These are all things I can't do on my own. I am humanly unable to live outside myself. It is only through HIM that I am able to be the person I desire to be.

Holy Spirit, I empty myself of me. I empty myself of my pride, my selfish ways, my fears, my concerns. I empty myself of me so there is room for you and your gifts - your fruit. I want to bear fruit for you. Fill me , Holy Spirit!

Friday, April 18, 2008

Organ Donation

Nate at Confessions of a CF Husband is having an interesting conversation about organ donation over on his blog. He is obviously a HUGE proponent!! He has some great Q&A posts about organ donation.

I have always been an organ donor (since I got my drivers license). But witnessing Tricia's story unfold has confirmed my decision. Through my death I just might be able to help someone else live: a mother might live to see her child grow, a father might be there to give his daughter away on her wedding day, a husband might walk many more years beside his bride.

I encourage you to think about it. If you have questions, Nate has some great resources on his site.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Thankful Thursday

My Weekend
1. I am thankful I got to share a fabulous weekend with the man of my dreams.
2. I am thankful for message our pastor and his wife shared with us this weekend. It is something that will impact my marriage for years to come.
3. I am thankful for the ancient oaks we got sit under. Thank you, God, for revealing your splendor in your creation.
4. I am thankful for the friendships that were strengthened and for new friendships .
5. I am thankful we had a chance to renew our wedding vows again. It so nice (and needed) to be reminded of the commitment we made to each other.
6. I am thankful for the contrast in weather: it was sunny and beautiful one day and the next was cold and wet.
7. I am thankful I was able to leave the girls in the wonderful care of my parents. I am thankful they are so close and can be a major influence on the girls.

Weigh in

187.8 (yuck)
oh well, I am getting back on track after the weekend.

I have a new motivation for losing the weight (as if getting healthy and feeling back were not enough). My church is doing unique fund raiser - The Biggest Loser for Missions!! Based on the tv show, I will be setting a weight lose goal and collecting sponsors. Sponsors can pledge per pound or make a flat donation. All of the money raised goes to the church mission budget to be used locally and internationally. I am really excited about it!!! If you would like to be a sponsor, leave me a comment and I will get in touch with you.

Monday, April 14, 2008

A few pictures from the weekend

S mores!!!
I think I see a new hobby for us as a couple - Photography!!
We got to renew a portion of our vows this weekend! So special!
We had such a great time together! It was nice to be able to focus one each other without "life" getting in the way! Can't wait for next year!!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Just Be...

That was the theme of the marriage retreat my husband and I got to attend this weekend.
Just be loved and loving
Just be forgiven and forgiving
Just be comforted and comforting

I learned some hard truths about myself. I have committed to my husband to allow God change me. I have some new goals for this next year in my marriage.

God, please don't leave me here. Please move me to a place of change. Holy Spirit. please continue to reveal my sin, my stumbling blocks, so that I might confess them and seek forgiveness, enabling you to do mighty things in me. I pray my marriage grows to reflect you.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Thankful Thursday

I have decided to participate in this weekly meme because I need the constant reminder to be thankful for all of the many blessings in my life!

I am thankful for my parents who are willing to watch our girls for the weekend so Hubbie and I can attend our church's annual marriage retreat! (can't wait)

I am thankful for Hubbie, who works so hard so that I can stay home with our precious girls! Things have been particularly hard for him at work recently, but he comes home and is an active part of the family in the evenings, even when he is just worn out! Thanks, Babe!!

I am thankful for good friends - people I can run to with the latest joy or struggle. They are an invaluable part of my life.

I am most thankful for my Heavenly Father, His Son and His Holy Spirit! They are changing me, so that I might reflect Their GLORY in my life! It hurts sometimes but in the end I know it will be worth it!!

Two things

Official weigh in for the week: 183.2!! Pretty exciting. I am heading out of town this weekend and will have to work at being good while I am gone!! (Don't want to undo that!)

I found a post today at Rocks in My Dryer that was particularly moving to me. Please go read it! So many times in life I think we forget just how much God cares about us and is watching over us ALL THE TIME!!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Just have to share...

I have gotten back on track with the eating habits! Since Sunday I have lost 5lbs!! I know that some of that is water weight because I did start drinking water better. Plus I had been eating some pretty high sodium foods. But still...it is so motivating to watch the scale drop!
So what am I doing you ask?

This program balances your carbs, fats, and proteins. They have a Fat Flush program that really restricts your glycemic levels. That is what I have been on for 2 days!
My girls are the other reasons I decided it was time to get back on track. When I am eating this way, we have great fruits and veggies in the house. You should see the "rainbow" my family has been eating the past two nights!
The other benefit I see right away is I sleep better when I am eating this way! When I was eating the junk, I was not sleeping through the night. I would wake up several times or wake up and not be able to go back to sleep. The past nights I have slept great!! I am not waking up at all.
Just thought I would share!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Sermon thoughts

My pastor preached a convicting message this weekend. Well, at least I was convicted. My husband was reassured. (Talk about the Holy Spirit speaking to individuals!!)
It was about the second coming of Jesus and that we need to be ready at all times. It could be tomorrow or not for another hundred years. We don't know and Scripture says we won't! Only God knows. The pastor was talking about being ready to face God the Judge. If we know we are living in sin we need to change that. Repent and turn away. He mentioned several of the "big" sins: adultery, embezzling, porn, etc. I find it interesting that judgment, slander, self ambition, jealousy, etc. did not make it into the sermon. He made a statement like, "those that sit on the pews on Sunday and then go home and turn on the computer to look at porn are in trouble" Immediately the Holy Spirit said to me, "Those that sit on these pews on Sunday and are judging others are in trouble!"

There are so many sins that live deep within me that I can do a fairly good job of hiding from the outside world. They are just as dangerous if not more so than those that the world can see. Our Bible study is about peace this week; a whole day was devoted to the judgment of others and how that can steal your peace! I know that judgment and a critical heart are huge areas of darkness in my life. I am so thankful that God loves me enough to point that out to me (over and over again!). He is changing me slowly. I hear the judgment now where as before I am not sure I heard it as judgment.

I know it is only through the Holy Spirit that I will be able to change. I have one friend in particular that I admire because she never sounds judgmental even if I know she does not agree with the other person. She never has a negative thing to say about others (okay never is a strong word because she is human and does have some challenging people to deal with.) I strive to be more like that. I want to honor people and God with my words and thoughts. I know that one day with God's help I won't even think the thoughts!! Praise God for his power to overcome sin!!

I can't believe you stuck around to finish reading this, I wish I had a better command of the English language. Thanks for reading.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

A glimpse into the future?

Look for her in the 2020 Olympics!!! You will be able to say, "I knew her when she was just starting out at the tender age of 10 months!"

Tricia is Awake and Aware

Confessions Of A CF Husband: Awake and Aware

The surgery was a success so far. Can you believe that they will have her up and walking in under 24 hours of going into surgery? Please continue to pray for them, comfort for Tricia and rest for Nate!!

Weigh in

Even with all the birthday cake and ice cream!! Whoo hoo!!
I need to get serious again. I would like to lose another 10 to 12 pounds before my annual gyn visit (the end of May). I believe the lowest I have been was 175-173 after Rachel was born. I would love to go in having lost the weight from both pregnancies!! That is easily doable as long as I get busy. I need to start walking again. If you see me during the week, ask me if I have been walking!! and drinking my water!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Family, Prayer, and me

I am going to try and put into words what I am feeling right now.
Back in January a friend said, "You should read this blog." I clicked over to discover a tiny baby fighting for life, a wife/mom who also was fighting for life, and a husband/daddy documenting their journey. This family has had a profound effect on me. I think one of the reasons their story touches me is Tricia has Cystic Fibrosis. We discovered with my first pregnancy that I am a carrier of cf. (Charles is not so the chances of our children having it are nil.) This story gives me a glimpse into what our life might have been like. It reminds me daily to be thankful that my children are healthy.
I think what draws me to this family most though is something else that we share, our faith in Jesus Christ. They are unwavering in their faith. Nate is quick to point out his fear of heights so I don't have them on a pedestal. I know they are human, but they have been able to keep their focus on God and His plan for them. They have allowed God to use their story to spread the word about cf and organ donation. Read just a few of the comments and you will see that their story is impacting people for eternity. I am blown away by my connection with this family. We will probably never meet this side of heaven, yet when they got the call for the lungs, my reaction was one as if they were dear friends. I wanted to shout from the mountaintop with joy. My husband does not get it, but I think in some way this is how it should be. Nate, Tricia, and Gwyneth are friends, more than that they are family. We are in God's family. I should be shouting for joy for them. I rejoice in that community!
As I type this, Tricia is still in surgery getting new lungs! (Praise God!) In the past 24 hours I have experienced an attitude of constant prayer, I think for the first time. I remember last night thinking, "This is what scripture is talking about - to pray constantly." I want to carry that attitude into my own life. How different would my life be if I sought Him at every turn? My responses to the world around (my dear husband and children) would certainly be different. Why is it that I can pray constantly for people I have never met, but I don't think to pray constantly for the ones most dear in my life?
God, please give me the power to change that. Please empower me to carrying this attitude of prayer into my daily life. Thank you for Nate and their story. Please continue to shelter them in the palm of your hand. Amen.

Confessions Of A CF Husband: IN THE OR

Confessions Of A CF Husband: IN THE OR

Please say prayers for Tricia and the surgeons. This surgery is about 7-9 hours long. Please pray peace for Nate as he sits with Gwyneth and family. Please lift up the donor family, may they know God's comfort!!

Confessions Of A CF Husband: TX CALL #2!!!

Confessions Of A CF Husband: TX CALL #2!!!

Nate and Tricia are waiting to see if these lungs are "hers." Please lift them up.